Like, Whoaah
2003-07-30, 2:00 p.m.

Truth be told, in addition to my cell phone, my house key, my checkbook and countless other things I have "misplaced" in the last year, I have also lost The Funny. Somehow. Somewhere. But sadly, it's gone.

It's true. I mean, you would think that after I had a month of different and wild experiences (not like having intercourse with farm animals, but new scenery, that is), I would then be able to put pen to paper for all the ridiculese, but no. I ain't got the goods.

Not that I was Lucille Ball before, but at least I would amuse myself, if no one else. But now, everytime I say something, I hear the voice in my head going, Shhhhhh, it's ok. There, there. Why don't you just take a nap?

Don't be alarmed, these voices don't usually incite me to violence. More often, they say, Have another cookie or Let's make whoopee!

Sometimes, I can make the world spin around so fast, it'll knock your father off the curb.

Only a few times have they said, KillKillKillKill, DieDieDieDie. But I suspect that has more to do with childhood trauma connected to Friday the 13th than anything else.

But back to the pernt, lately my voices are telling me to shut up. Not quiet like either. Like loud, up in my grill and shit. Shut. Up. And I'm all, "No, YOU shut up." And they're like, I said it first. So then I go...

And somehow in the back and forth exchange, I realize: Like, whoaah, No Funny. So, Yes, Voices, you were right, and I was wrong. So, until I'm allowed to try to find Funny all over, I may have to resort to bad poetry again.

I know. Like, whoaah. But I'll check if I can come out and play again soon.

(Like Whoaah, on loan from the Jenzy Jargon Library, 2003)