Aunt Michele
2003-08-19, 4:11 p.m.

I always get into a panic when it's my nieces' or nephew's birthday. Mostly because I'm a bad aunt in general, but also because I wait until the last minute to get stuff. In defense of what a shitty person I am, it's not all laziness. Like, for example, my nephew Caleb's birthday is the 21st. And though I just sent his present today (normally I send it overnite, because I'm that bad), I have been searching website after website for over a week, in addition to going to two stores, looking for a cool scooter or a robot that does something. But alas, I ended up going with Superman. So it's not all me just being a jerk.

I don't know why I am so horrible at keeping in touch with people. I do it with everyone and I think it's actually my worst quality. Tough choice on that, but yeah, my worst one. But the things is, I adore Lilly, Caleb, and Erin. Like adore them, wipe-your-boogers-in-my-hair-I-don't-care adore them. But I regret not being very active in their lives on a regular basis.

And the presents aren't me trying to buy them off, it's that I honestly want to get something that they would love. I once bought Lilly a trunk full of dress-me-up clothes and she wouldn't take them off for weeks. I was clapping my hands with glee.

But when it comes to keeping in touch with people, I'm a real acehole. Like I don't return calls for days, go for weeks without answering the phone, pretty much disappear. It's abominable. Not only that, it's incredibly selfish. Because the people that try to get in touch with me mean the world to me. And I don't give back the effort that they are exerting. In person, it's a different story. I fall all over myself trying to be everything to everybody, loving on people, being totally accessible. But the phone, I should be stoned in the town square for my behavior.

It used to be because I spent twelve hours a day on the phone, getting yelled at or ass-kissing, and I just did not have the energy to get on the phone again. But now, I have no excuse. No excuse at all.

..............

Like, whoahhh. You didn't think that this was going to be a therapy session, did you? Well, you'll learn: it's all about me. And my skeletons.

And if I'm not a lesson in ridiculese, then I don't know what is.

Intermission is over, back to your seats.