The Answer
2004-02-18, 4:04 p.m.

First, it was finding a job that paid me well enough that I didn't have to come home (again) to darkness due to the Electric Company turning off my powah.

Then, it became getting the fuck outta Dodge because I needed some breathing room and began to loathe people.

Next, it was buying a house so I could have a space that was all my own.

Now, it's planning The Dream Vacation, whereby I'll be all shockandawe by way of the magnificent new sights and experiences.

After that, I'm sure it will be awaiting the arrival of children or something of the sort.

But whether it's today or five years ago or next week, why does it seem that happiness is just out of my reach? Why does it appear that "I'll be happy when....." like there's some sort of fucking antidote?

Don't get me wrong, I have an extremely good life:

-I really couldn't ask for a better husband.
-My beloved pooch will be canonized upon her death.
-My family treats me like I'm the Second Messiah.
-I own a new gorgeous home.
-I have friends that I value and whom usually value me.
-I don't get up for work every damn day and shlep to some job I detest. In fact, I don't get up in the morning to go to work, period.

So why is it that I'm somehow dissatisfied/bored/unhappy? Like, I'm waiting for something that I can't even name, but that, I keep putting different faces on, like Moving or Childbearing or whatev, that I think will be The Answer?

Is it about not living in the moment? Not being appreciative enough of everything I do have in life? Not seeing the forest for the vaginas? What?

Do I need a major attitude adjustment via fire walking courtesy Tony Robbins, a weekend in a Turkish prison, three rounds through the spanking machine, or just a good ol' Summer's Eve douche? What? What? I mean, What?