This Just In
2004-09-15, 10:23 a.m.

I think I pulled a stomach muscle having sex last night. The interesting part is that I didn't know I had stomach muscles. But now the right lower side of my belly is aching like a muther, which started post-sexy. Either that, or I caught The Mono from Matt, which still continues to ravage him lo these many weeks later, and my spleen is rupturing, or my appendix, or whatever innard is down thataway. Either way, I may now need a girdle. Or a colostomy bag. Just so you know.

So what else? Well, let me start at the beginning, with Nothing. Then, after that, there was Nothing. And then we followed that up with Nothing. Yep, that pretty much covers it. The last several weeks here in Dragsville have been filled to the brim with Nothing, what with Matt continuing to sleep 97 hours per day. My shhhhed-yule, not that I had one really before, but what there was of an agenda is all fuckey-mudgey and I grow restive.

On the bright side, the excess of time with Matt has given us the opportunity to overthink every aspect of our lives. We have confirmed, for the fife gabillionth time, that there must be a Change in our world, but natch, we're still working out the details. We have fancied that we will become Hot Air Balloonists, then changed to opening a Child Day-Care Center, then an Oldem-Care Center, then a Kennel, with some other preposterotti in between. Yeah, those are the good ideas. Matt called from his 1/2 day at work yesterday to tell me that he had settled on the Kennel, an idea we have thrown around for the last ten years, because "You know, what if we kill somebody? You know, there's not much they can do if we kill their dog." Good point. He's a real thinker, that one.

Other than that, I have spent countless hours trying to figure out what we are going to do for our 10th anniversary, which is in less than a month. Our original gift to each other was the Colorado trip, not that you would know it from these pages, since I never even bothered to write about one of the best experiences of my life. I'm good like that. But the six-week sabbaticl was supposed to fall in October originally (during our anniversary), but we moved it up when we thought we might be moving to Atlanta. Not that you'd know that either. Just as well, because we're not, and Allah forbids I actually waste space on the banalities of my life. Thusly, only a baker's dozen of entries since the beginning of the year. *Yawn* What can you do? You can lead a horse to water but you can't beat it's ass online. Speaking of thusly, I just got a letter from this guy about our yard saying, "Thusly, if you don't water your lawn, we can't be held responsible for the result." Thusly? What? "Thus" wasn't good enough for you? Well, irregardless of what you say, I still expect a nice-looking lawn, buddy. Ahhhh, the trials and tribulations of an ex-English teacher.

Oh yeah, the anniversary gift. How the mind wanders off! Anyway, I don't know what I'm doing for it. Good that I wrapped up that up for you, yes? Ah well. Suggestions are welcomed and encouraged.

Other than that, I think I'll take a shower today.

Good talk.