Slain in the Spirit
Monday, Nov. 22, 2004, 9:30 a.m.

So yesterday Matt and I finally got around to getting our God on. You know, J.C. was our homeboy and all. Ceptin' it had nothing whatsoever to do with God or J.C.--and that's why I lurved it all the more. In fact, The Holy Ones weren't even mentioned at all which I found vunny and joyous about the "church" we decided to check out. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, and don't want to click on the link because you're afraid to be spammed by the Jehovah Witnesses, Jews for Jesus, and all the prophets from Elijah to Muhammed, I'll break it down. I'll try to explain the process that brought me to get up early on a Sunday morning, get into something besides sweat pants, and sit and listen to a stranger speak for an hour.

See, as you may or may not have guessed, the election got me allllll fiyud up this year. I'm still an eetsy-beetsy bitter about it all *grumblegrumble* but mostly, I don't know what to do with all this pent-up energy that used to be spent scouring the world wide woahhh for insta-polls. What's a girl to do? Turn to our Lord and Savior, prayhaps? Meh. Not so much. OK, maybe I should backtrack a little bit to before the election, let's say, my birth. I was born a poor black child. Nahhh, I kid, though I am a Jerk (get it? get it? ba dum dum). No, I was brought up to be a Serious Catholic, you know, apply Baptism, add First Communion, and Confirmation, mix with Fear, generously spread Guilt, sweeten with The Afterlife, and shake. Voila: me. I was even married in the Catholic Church, mostly because my grandmother (God rest her immortal soul) would have gone all hari-kari on the operation had I, say, got married on a beach with the Justice of the Peace. Not that that would have been my gig anyway, but I still had the leftover Ten Commandment stress of "Honor thy mother and father (and grandmother)" and Matt had the same on his side, so it was easier to comply than to figure out what we really wanted (see also: young and stupid). But, to be honest, I always felt like a fraud--or rather, Fraud, with a capital F because it never rang true with me. I mean, I was the first of my friends to have sex and I've surely done puh-lenty that would not only be considered un-Christian, but probably, Immoral, too. Oh sure, I pretended a lot, consciously and subconsciously, because it's easier to just believe what someone tells you than to have to figure it out all on your own. But as time wore on, and my grandmother passed away, it became harder and harder to be a Counterfeit Christian. It moved way beyond not just believing in Catholic doctrine to not being sure I believed in God or Jesus Christ or whatever. I also grew to loathe organized religion because it became more and more glaringly obvious that many times, those claiming to be closest to God were the farest away from practicing "Godly" love, acceptance, and forgiveness (see also: mothertrucking terrorists). In short, the righteousness was appalling and not a little offensive to me. I grew to become a disagreeable heathen, though I did allow: if it works for you, have at it. But the point is, for the first time in my whole life, I became vocal, if not aggressively, about Get Off Me. More like, You do your thing, I'll do mine.

Hokay, that should bring you back up to speed on my religious self. So, you might ask, if you see the folly in organized religion and you can't stand the narrowmindedness of the God/Christ arrangement, why would you bother checking out a church again? So sweet! Your intense interest in my spiritual journey so flatters me! Well, like a Circle Jerk, we come back around. To politics. Because I did get insanely passionate about this election and it had more to do than just about the price of tea in China. Haaviously, it was a preposterously religiously-charged election, and Hello, seperation of State and Church much? I think that how religion and politics have become intertwined is so totally fuckey mudgey as to start an anti-jihad. And I was offended that the "liberals" were painted as some Satan-loving bastards, as if we had no morals at all and no "faith". I've said it before, I think that equality and freedom are moral issues. And while Faith generally denotes something God-ly, I guess what I'm talking about my faith is a set of principles or beliefs. Like a belief in the "right" way to live. And while I'd like to just let people live whatever way they want, I guess I do believe the world would be a whole lot better if people were kind and compassionate and patient and so on and blah blah, so I DO care how other people live. If I could make them live the way I wanted them to live, i.e. not interfering with the happiness of others and striving towards acceptance and understanding and respect and blehblahboh, I'd do it as fervently as a southern-baptist minister. OK, maybe that's an ex-AGer-ray-shon, but you understand my point (I hope). I want people to be less preachy and more accepting. Oh, I don't know, that's not all of it, but that's a start. In the words of a wise man: "Why can't we all just get along?"

So what am I supposed to do? Yeah, I can continue posting brilliance (har) to the three of you that read this, but that isn't going to change much. How will that protect the environment or work on bigger issues of equality and justice? Understand, I want to live what I believe, not just every four years when election comes up. Zounds, that sounds crazy even writing that! No, what I am trying to say is that I want to understand the world better, and I want to understand myself better, and I want to have some understanding of my place in the world. Hell, that's not a clearer explanation either! OK, maybe exactly what I feel is difficult to articulate, and maybe I don't even know what I believe precisely, but I feel like I have been searching for answers for so long and I also feel like such a tiny speck of nothing that couldn't make any real changes in this world anyway so why bother, you know? Oh Lord, I don't know what I'm trying to say. But I think you catch my drift?

Anyway, this is sort of how I came to the Unitarians because "I want a church that acts locally and thinks globally on the great issues of our time...world peace; women's rights; racial justice; homelessness; gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender rights; and protection of the environment." OK, maybe I don't want a "Church", per se, but I want something that'll do that. And I don't want a place that's all about God and Jesus and heaven and nonsenseontopofnonsense, because I don't really believe in all of that, believe I do believe in decency and love and other California-touchy-feely-mystic-vibe crap (sorry jenzy and ikss!). I mean, I don't think the Unitarians are even really considered Christians, because it seems most of the peeps don't "believe" in Jesus, and they think the Bible is "mostly legendary and mythical" but can be used (with so many other texts) as a book that can be learned from as a guide to self-awareness and universal truth, rather than the Absolute Truth or Word From God. I dig that they also read contemporary regular books of science, art, and social commentary and newspapers and other religious texts as a way to understand themselves in this world. "Among Unitarians, instead of salvation (or afterlife) you will hear of our yearning for, and our experience of, personal growth, increased wisdom, strength of character, and gifts of insight, understanding, inner and outer peace, courage, patience, and compassion." Because this is what I think makes a "good" person.

So, yesterday, the readings were from Native American text, something called, The Education of Little Tree, perhaps you've heard of it? I hadn't. But the little excerpt was sweet and beautiful. And then they read some poetry and some passages from some theologian, and though it was loosely structured and held meaning, it seemed so reasonable to me that it didn't feel like Church--and I left feeling good. Not like I was gonna save the world or anything, but better than I had walking in. If that makes any sense, which I am aware, it doesn't. But it wasn't about living up to God's expectations, it was about thinking for yourself and living up to your own expectations of how to live your own life. This was part of "the message" of the day that was on the front page of the little hand-out shimmy:

If you've actually made it this far in this rambling of religious nonsense, I applaud you. I never would have got this far in someone's blog when they were ranting about religion. But like everybody and Satan's brother: "I'm not religious, I'm spritual!" Hee. But I just wanted to say, that the point of that message that made sense to me was that the only way to affect change is to be appreciative of what you have, and all the joys there are in life. So, in a time where I'm hating on our government and the world around me, I really have to remember all that's good, so I can remember that there is, in fact, something worth fighting for. Guess they saw me coming...

So, anyway, that's that. Didn't mean to be such an evangelical fur-reak about this, but just wanted to let you know where my head's at. We'll probably go back until it doesn't please us anymore. I say that now, and watch, the minister of my cult will be having sex with my children in a few years. Lord have mercy! Christ have mercy! But for reals, you do your thing, and I'll do mine.

*smashing palm to your forehead*
You have been He-yuld!