And Awn and Awn Til The Break of Dawn
Tuesday, Apr. 12, 2005, 3:41 p.m.

So, it's not Sunday, but I had a sooper busy weekend, and then have spent the last two days with The Shitting again, so cut a sister some slack, will ya? I'm just gonna jump right in, in the hopes that I'll finish yammering all nonsensical before the month's out. Meh. Maybe not. That's kinda soon.

Anyway, so we just bought a new Tee-Voi. Well actually, we tried to buy it in early December from my brother--or rather from his friend. My bro is one of those people that has fife thousant "best friends"? You know how all those Churchies are? Giving you the shirt of their back and shit? So one of his best friends worked at Sony and was gonna get us a shhhweet TV for 1/2 the price. But somehow my parents got into the mix and they received their TV first so we had to wait. And wait. And wait. Until the end of January. When Sony Friend promptly gets fiyud. Whoops, there it is. So no telly for us. At which time, we decided to order it online and after three weeks of waiting and not getting a TV from www.ImaRobYou.com, we cancel the TV and order it from somewhere else online. And just a quick six weeks later, we FINALLY get the bitch. But hoyboy, was it worth the wait. Because lemmetellya, it. is. Large. and In-Charge. I'm actually kind of embarrassed by it, because to have a TV this big, you are clearly giving the message: Hello, I watch entirely too much television. And duh. Of course I do. But I don't know if I wanna broadcast that to anybody that comes into my house, you know? The only saving grace is that it is hidden away upstairs in the jagunda Bonus Room with the ghetto plush sectional and whatnot, so it's not like Blam! In Your Face! when you walk through the front door. But still. The other good news/bad news about the TV upstairs is that I have to walk my fat ass up and down the stairs from the TV to the kitchen pretty regular now so at least I'm burning 2.7 calories a day. Which is most necessary as I mentioned in my last entry about being Biggie Sized. I'm trying not to totally freak out about it, seeing as I just had surgery and all, and this is my seventh week of Not Smoking, but I have learned that it's good not to have the kitchen and the TV in such close proximity. Not when The Human Gut grows and grows.

So, for the record, I would like to state that there are entirely not enough HDTV channels and I grow restive. It's like when you get used to Tivo or DVR and then you're watching a TV without it and you're all, Huh? How can they stand it? Jesus, the more I go on about this, I can hear the masses crying: What kind of asshole are you anyway?

-The answer: Ummm, this kind? Yeah, yeah. I know I went on a bit about how I couldn't stand this show and the violence was too much for me. I take it all back. What? If you had read the fine print in the slummyjelly bylaws, you would have seen that I reserve the right to be totally contrary and hypocritical. And the 25th amendment to the Slummy Constitution has been invoked. No, but really? I HEART the UFC now. So much so that I'm considering buying a pay-per-view for this weekend. Bahahahaha. Yeah, it's on like Donkey Kong pretty much. Couture vs. Liddell Rematch? Are you kidding me? *flexing and shooting steroids in my ass* It's gonna be grrrrrreat.

-In light of this confession and the embarassment at the size of my TV, I thought I might as well come clean about ALL the television I am watching. Most people won't admit this, but I have no shame. Actually, I have no pride might be a better way of putting it, so here goes:
--The Contender (started late but since I liked the UFC show so much....)
--Desperate Housewives (though it had been in re-runs for 17 weeks)
--24 (getting over it)
--The Shield (so amazingly good)
--Lost (good shite)
--Alias (tape it but don't end up watching it generally)
--The Apprentice (I can't believe I still watch this)
--Survivor (I've lost that lovin' feelin)
--The Office (just on board)
--Law and Order (tape it but don't generally watch it now)
--Carnivale (brill brill)
--UFC (well, you know)
I think those are just the ones that I tape, but that doesn't mean I won't catch some other MTV, VH1, or TNT shows on occassion. And tennis. Oh, and some discovery channel stuff. And then prolly a couple of hours of random shit? I think there's more, but s'all I'm willing to own up to right now, because that's A LOT. Ah well. First step is admitting you have a problem.

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Alrighty then. Looks like I need to go warm the TV up. I'll try to squeeze in more tomorrow between a full-line up of TV programs and taking fife thousant craps. Ahhhh, that makes you love me, don't it?